Be prepared to hear words of comfort that are awkward or seem inappropriate, such as, “You’ll get over it,” “It was her time,” or, “I know exactly how you feel because I lost my little Chihuahua last week.” A simple “thank you” is sufficient in response, if you can manage it.
A viewing is an unstructured gathering of friends and family where visitors can pay their respects to either the deceased after having been prepared by a mortician, or to a cremation urn or series of memorial photos.
Many can do a “good” job; not everyone can do a job “good.” Thank you for doing a job “good.” “Thank you for making the service very beautiful. You did such a wonderful job.” “Thank you for all of the advice and direction you were able to give to my family and myself when organizing all the funeral arrangements.
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words, just know I care. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Although you can’t bring something to the funeral in person, you may be able to send a gift through the mail, instead. And since the family will probably receive fewer gifts with a virtual funeral, your thoughtful gesture will go a long way.
While black is always a great go-to if you’re unsure about what you’re wearing, colors like gray and navy are also appropriate. Your most important goal is to avoid wearing anything that will distract attention away from the loved one who has passed away.
We recommend wearing dark or neutral colors, to avoid standing out in the crowd. Darker colors reflect the mourning atmosphere of the service or visitation. Men will generally wear suits or dress pants, dress shirts and jackets along with a subtle tie. Women typically wear pants, skirts and blouses, dresses or suits.
Thank you very much for your help in this most difficult time. On behalf of our family we wish to thank you for your professional services during our difficult time. We appreciate your kind and thoughtful service. We look forward to a lasting friendship.
Question: How long do I need to stay? Answer: It is appropriate to spend at least 15 minutes at the visitation. This should give you enough time to sign the guest book, have a drink, and express your condolences to the family. You can stay longer as you feel is appropriate.
Frequently the viewing is done prior to a traditional funeral service and guests are invited to come to the service early in order to view the deceased. Visitation services are times when the family makes itself available to friends other family members who wish to express their sympathy directly.
Wakes and viewings are usually open to all guests, though if the family has not invited you or specified that the event is family-only, you should respect their wishes and not attend. If the body will be present and on view, you may want to prepare yourself emotionally.
It’s considered proper etiquette to pay your respects in another way if you’re unable to attend the funeral. While you shouldn’t feel guilty if you can’t attend, you should take action to honor the deceased and their family.
If you’re close family or knew the deceased very well, it’s customary to send flowers for the visitation and funeral and in some cases, even to the family’s home. If you’re more an acquaintance, work colleague, distant friend, etc then sending sympathy flowers to their home or the viewing is a polite thing to do.
The most common answer is that jeans aren’t considered appropriate funeral etiquette unless requested by the family. However, dark, unembellished jeans paired with a shirt, tie, and blazer for men or a blouse and a blazer for women can be appropriate for a casual service.
Catholic Funeral Mass Etiquette and Dress Code
Black is traditional but any dark color is usually considered appropriate. … Slightly more casual clothing is usually fine as well, as long as it’s modest and somber. Jeans, hoodies, sportswear, printed t-shirts, and athletic shoes are typically not a good idea.
Funeral Attire For Winter
Choose neutral or black color trench coats or long jackets, opaque leggings, and winter boots. The same rule applies to scarves, gloves, hats, or any other accessories you plan to wear. Stay away from color-blocking or contrast colors.
A solid-colored dress in a muted color, accompanied by dark shoes, is always a good choice. A dark skirt paired with a formal topo also works. But you don’t have to wear a skirt or dress. A pair of dress pants with a dressy top is perfectly acceptable.
“May you take comfort in loving memory and the friends and family that surround you.” “May the pain you feel now be nothing compared to joy found within the memories of (name.)” “I can’t express how much we loved and cherished (name). Our deepest condolences for your loss.”
At the end of the day, something as simple as “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m so sad for you and your family, please accept my deepest condolences” is always appropriate. But you might want to offer something a little deeper than that, especially if you are close to the bereaved.
Don’t feel guilty about saying or doing something that causes a loved one to cry or crying yourself. Crying is healthy. If, however, you find yourself weeping uncontrollably (you’re causing a scene or making other mourners uncomfortable), it is polite to excuse yourself until you regain control.
In general, it is wise to avoid taking pictures at a funeral or a memorial service unless you have been specifically asked to do so by the deceased’s family. Deciding to snap a few candids of the cousins gathered together can create tension and ruin the mood at the service.
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